Autistic at Christmas

     I imagine most of you understand that families with autistic children have unique challenges.  You may even have some comprehension what Christmas may be like for those of us with kids on the spectrum.  But right now, I'd like to give you a glimpse inside our living room.  Come on, take a peek in the front window.  It's big enough for all of you, just gather round...

     First you see the stereotypical Christmas Tree, right there up front.  Shining bright with a star on top, probably very similar to your house.  What you may not realize is that all the ornaments on this tree are plastic, instead of the usual glass.  Shatterproof, they call it.  I call it a blessing, because children with autism can't always control the impulse to remove ornaments from the tree.  In fact, until this year our tree was always bare from the waist down.  Yep, we had a naked tree every year.  I'd occasionally put the ornaments back on, only to have them removed by the end of the day.  Among all the battles I'm willing to fight, ornaments on the tree wasn't one.


     You'll also probably notice something else as well.  There are no brightly wrapped packages under this tree.  You'll guess by now that our kids can't control the impulse to tear into them a little early and you'd be right on target.  Santa brought ALL of our children's gift when he came Christmas Eve.  Santa knows all about my kids, and he just brings them a couple extra gifts when he shows.  This year we're trying something different.  There's actually a couple of packages under the tree a little early.  For most children, these packages would cause feelings of joyous anticipation.  Not mine.  For us, these packages cause impatience and anxiety.  Every night we remind Daniel that tonight's not the night for Santa yet, but every morning brings bitter disappointment.  We keep trying, but the jury is still out whether or not the packages will stay.

     By now, you may be noticing something else.  There's not a lot of decorations besides the tree.  Daddy's coveted Christmas Drummers have a spot high in the windowsill, where the children cannot reach them easily, and the singing Mr. and Mrs. Snowman and the dog that barks christmas carols are scattered on the floor, but other than that there's nothing else.  Breakables are not allowed in our house, so many decorations that are able to be broken are put away.  Daddy's green christmas flutes, crystal knick knacks and Santa's voyage collection from Lenox are all put away.  We anticipate bringing them out one day when the kids are older, but right now they're too much temptation.  We even tried a train one year, but they couldn't leave it on the tracks, or leave the tracks on the floor.  Well, I think you understand.

     I'd love to take them to see Santa Claus at the mall, but the lines are almost always too long for us.  They don't wait well, and waiting is almost always part of the experience.  Shopping is difficult as well.  Because my boys are delayed, buying gifts for them is difficult at best.  What would normally be age appropriate is not always the best option for them.  Pretend play is limited and anything in a container gets dumped on the floor.

     Sometimes it's incredibly disappointing for my husband and I.  We want so badly for our children to know the joy and blessings that Christmas brings.  To share the Christmas traditions from our childhood.  It requires strength to leave those traditions behind, and do what you know is best for children who don't understand.  But my hope remains undaunted, and my expectations are still high.

I hope you enjoyed your glimpse in our window.  It's always welcome for those with an open mind and an open heart.  I hope you learned something new.  And I hope each and every one of you have the most blessed Christmas you've ever experienced.